


girl like you (impossible to find)

by spacecleavage



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, NSFW, Sexual Tension, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-21 15:09:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21076937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacecleavage/pseuds/spacecleavage
Summary: "Charlotte stared at the ceiling, the whiteness of it slowly blinding her to everything else. Air rushed from the open window over her face. She blatantly ignored how cold it felt across her cheeks. She blindly reached out for her phone, turning up the volume as Christina Perri's melodic voice took a sorrowful turn.She focused on releasing the tension in her jaw, fearing that if they clenched anymore she may have broken her teeth. The silly exercise that a substitute teacher had taught the class, breathe in for four seconds, hold for another four and then release for four. Square breathing, she reminded herself.It worked for the time it took to breathe out again, but her heart, her traitorous heart went back to Sidney Parker."or the modern exes au





	girl like you (impossible to find)

**Author's Note:**

> sorry i disappeared, i was having flashbacks to other shows ending on stupid cliffhangers
> 
> so here i am again. smut warning

Charlotte stared at the ceiling, the whiteness of it slowly blinding her to everything else. Air rushed from the open window over her face. She blatantly ignored how cold it felt across her cheeks. She blindly reached out for her phone, turning up the volume as Christina Perri's melodic voice took a sorrowful turn.

She focused on releasing the tension in her jaw, fearing that if they clenched anymore she may have broken her teeth. A silly exercise that a substitute teacher had taught the class, breathe in for four seconds, hold for another four and then release for four. Square breathing, she reminded herself.

It worked for the time it took to breathe out again, but her heart - her traitorous heart - went back to Sidney Parker.

How was she here again? It seemed like just last week everything had been... well not perfect but so much better. Now here she was lying on her bed trying to banish all thoughts of _him_.

The music turned itself off as her phone began to ring. She didn’t need to look over to know who it was, she had never changed his ring tone. She squeezed her eyes shut. She did not want to talk to him: not now, not ever and especially not after last night.

She tried not to think about it, but with her mind on it she had no choice but to relive it.

...

Georgiana had not taken no for an answer when Charlotte told she wasn’t interested in going out on Friday night.

“Please, Charlotte, you know they say the best thing for getting over someone is to get under someone else.”

“Who actually says that, G? Honestly?”

“Well me for starters,”

“And I told you, I can’t go out tonight. I have a project due first thing on Monday and the client just changed their brief yet again.”

“Char, are you really gonna let me go out alone on a Friday night?”

Charlotte pressed her lips together, nearly hard enough to bruise them. No, she would never let that happen. She never could.

Charlotte found herself shoved into one of Georgiana’s dresses. The gold bandage dress, was simple in its design, but on Charlotte, it clung to her curves obscenely, rising to her mid-thigh and dipping dangerously low to show her cleavage. With her hair curled and makeup done, Georgiana declared her ready, shoving another shot of vodka into her hands.

“Bottoms up!”

Which was how Charlotte found herself stood in the middle of the bustling bar, Georgiana clinging to her hand and dragging her around, greeting the most random people. Charlotte blamed the alcohol in her system for not recognising that Georgiana was trying to hook her up with half the people, though she was genuinely greeting some. Charlotte also noticed how all of the men seemed to have a certain look. If she was feeling clichéd, she would call them tall, dark and handsome, which given her previous relationship was not completely out of the question.

She excused herself after Georgiana’s sixth attempt, ducking over to the bar to find another drink. She squeezed herself as close to the bar as she could manage, the press of other people’s bodies was almost overwhelming. She knew she shouldn’t have let herself be talked into going out; and perhaps if her best friend wasn’t so very determined to set her up then she would be having a good time. Maybe she could convince her to get on the dancefloor with her.

As she reached her decision a person pushed in behind her, as close as possible. She was just about to swing her elbow back into his stomach, Miss Congeniality style, when an all too familiar voice spoke into her ear.

“Penny for your thoughts,”

Her body reacted before her mind, relaxing back into him and feeling his warm, hard body at her back. The muscle memory of many nights curled around each other. But her mind flinched back from him, the pain of his words curling around her heart and seeping through her limbs as she wrenched herself away from him.

“I’m thinking, if Georgiana sees you, she is going to slap you,”

“Charlotte…” 

She suppressed the flash of pain as he said her name. He still said it the same way, like the sun rose and set upon her, like she was the center of his universe.

“Get out of here Sidney, now.” She hoped her voice conveyed strength and determination, even though a strong breeze was liable to blow her over at that moment.

She didn’t turn towards him. She just tried to stare at the bar ahead of her, knowing that if she saw his dark eyes staring at her, she would crumble.

His presence behind her disappeared, leaving her bereft of his warmth.

She kept standing there, it felt like only a moment as she tried to get her reeling emotions under control. Frustration. Pain. They boiled to the surface, but underneath she could not deny that she was still half (half who was she kidding) in love with the man.

An arm slid around her waist, the smell of Georgiana’s signature jasmine perfume reaching her nostrils.

“What’s up with you? I thought you’d left.” Georgiana had to yell over the din of the music. 

Charlotte briefly wondered whether she should tell her about Sidney but that would just wreck Georgiana’s night. Besides she needed this night out too, especially after completing a surprise assignment.

“Just needed a drink,” Charlotte’s words were almost swallowed by the noise around them. She forced a smile onto her face, even though she could it trembling at the edges and falling apart completely.

Thankfully, Georgiana’s beckoned over the bartender, calling for more shots. Charlotte tried to call her off, but once Georgiana set her mind to something she wasn’t easily dissuaded.

The details for the next hour became a little hazy for Charlotte. She remembered dancing, looking over Georgiana’s shoulder to see Sidney staring at her from across the room, more dancing, perhaps some light flirting, catching his eyes again as he peered over the balcony. She could recall walking over to the steps, maybe even haphazardly climbing up them to confront him.

The confrontation was hazy too, but in a different way. While the words themselves were lost on her, she could recall with perfect clarity the emotions which raced across his face. First the surprise at seeing her, the eyes wider which curled into a tiny smile, clearly happy to get her attention. Then the devastation as her words hit a particularly cruel mark, followed by his own anger. He had stalked closer to her then, his breath fanning across her face as she glared up at him defiantly.

She held her breath as he loomed ever closer, not wanting any part of her to touch him. But the ache was so deep inside her, she grasped desperately at the anger, knowing that if it disappeared, the ache would be all that was left. But still, she yearned to touch him. To feel the shock of electricity that his fingers sent across her skin, the feel of his lips on hers.

Her eyes fell to lips by accident, but how could they not? They looked as full as ever, and luscious and she knew all too well how skilled they were. She missed the press of them, how they felt at the back of her neck as she woke in his bed, or when he kissed her on his way out the door, trying to leave an imprint of himself on her, and so many other moments that were now lost to them.

She was moving before she knew what she was doing. Her lips crashing into his, familiar and perfect. As always, their kiss was electrifying. The tingling racing down from her lips to the tips of her toes, leaving her skin feeling more sensitive, arousal following in its wake.

He roughly claimed her lips, not a moment passed before their tongues clashed, his trying to find a way into her mouth, her pushing him away.

The alcohol that Georgiana had been plying her with in an attempt to stop her thinking, seemed to kick in in full, as she allowed her hands slide up his chest. She let herself luxuriate in the expensive material of his suit, before noting how the muscles under her fingers tensed.

He groaned and his chest rumbled with it as her nails dragged down his shoulders.

She didn’t bother to hide her smirk as he thrust one hand into her hair and the other pulled at her waist, dragging her even closer to him and pushing their torsos together. She knew it was clichéd but they fit together like puzzle pieces. He must have felt her smirk, because he tilted her head, letting him access her mouth as he desired, setting the rhythm and indeed the heat of their kiss.

She knew it couldn’t have been a long time, how long they stood there, pulling each other ever closer, no matter how physically impossible that was.

They finally pulled away from one another, her gasping not only for air.

The next part of her memory just failed her completely. She knew they must have got back to Sidney’s flat, because she had her back pressed against his door in almost the exact same position they had been in before: his hands in her hair, hers clutching at his shoulders, and their bodies pressing ever closer to each other.

She didn’t hold back the moan when he slid his leg between hers, the top of his thigh rubbing against her core. She dug her nails in as he moved his thigh and for a second she could feel the hard length of him pressed against her hip before he moved away again.

He let out a throaty chuckle when she tried to follow him, chasing the thrill of pleasure he had brought her.

She twisted his curls trying to take control of the kiss but he didn’t let her. He let go of her briefly, so moving his hands to under her hips, pulling her legs around his own. She sank her teeth into his bottom lip, leaving an imprint on them before she sucked a bruise onto it. His hips stuttered against her, bringing that flash of pleasure surging through her again.

“Please,” she moaned against his lips. She needed more, so much more.

Her whole world spun as he lifted her properly, carrying her to his bedroom. She focused on dragging her nails up into his short hair, she knew how much he liked that. The moan he let out was a testament to that.

Sidney pulled his lips away from hers and began trailing hot kisses down her throat to her collar bone. He groaned again as she dragged her hands back down his chest and fiddled with the buttons of his shirt.

He gently placed her on his soft bed. How many countless hours had they spent in it? So completely wrapped up in each other. She almost sank into the mattress as he followed her down. He braced his elbow beside her before continuing his path of kisses down her décolletage.

Charlotte’s hands couldn’t seem to touch enough of him, always trying to reach every part of him. She had long ago memorised the lines of his arms, the dips of his chest, the broadness of his shoulders. She knew every part of him, better than she knew herself at this stage. Still she touched him like she was just learning him all over again.

Distracted by what her hands were feeling and by what his lips were doing to the bare skin of her cleavage, she didn’t notice that one of his hands had slipped around the side of her dress, finding the zip and slowly sliding it down her waist.

She’d forgotten how gently he touched her, how reverently. It made her feel special, precious.

He moved his hand down to her thigh, creeping her dress higher and higher.

Gooseflesh trailed his fingers as he let them graze against her skin, moving up to settle on her waist. His teeth started to worry the skin of her cleavage, sucking on it hard and leaving marks she was sure.

His hand moved further up to cup her breast before kneading and pinching the gold cloth covering it. As he sucked a particularly deep mark into her skin, Charlotte felt a rush of arousal and knew her underwear would be completely ruined.

“Sidney,” she breathed, her head lolled backwards, her eyes drifting closed of their own volition.

“What do you want Charlotte?” he mouthed against her skin. She felt the pout form on her lips as his hand stopped its ministrations.

“You,” the word tumbled from her lips. His dark eyes burned into hers for a moment, before he moved suddenly. He was kissing her again, his hand moving her dress up and over her head.

She moved in response, striping him of his shirt and loosening his belt before his hands stilled hers.

“Wait,” he mumbled.

“I don’t want to,” she replied, pushing his hands out of the way and shoving open his pants.

She rubbed at him through his briefs, entirely consumed by how hard he was already. The heat of him through his briefs almost burnt her, and as she traced his cock, trying to work him over all the more.

She gasped as he finally disentangled himself from his shirt and brought his hand to her centre. He traced her lips, through her underwear, before shucking them to the side and letting his fingers dip into her folds. The pleasure and heat rushed through her as his fingers circled her clit.

He teased her, purposefully dragging his fingers around her clit before trailing them down to her entrance and then back up. He smirked down at her as she moaned loudly, his fingers just brushing over her clit.

“More Sidney,” she could feel her gasps for air becoming more and more desperate.

He grunted in agreement as she tugged at his cock again. Rolling away, he reached over to his bedside table, grasping at a condom.

She watched as he shoved his briefs down, tore the condom packet open with his teeth, and rolled it down his length.

She used her own hands to undo the front clasp on her bra, pushing it off her shoulders quickly, before rolling her knickers down her thighs and kicking them off.

Charlotte felt like she was writhing in anticipation as Sidney finally moved back to her. She bit her lip to control yet another moan as he ran his fingers across her clit again.

“Please,” she begged, pulling at his shoulders.

Without warning he sheathed himself inside her, her cry echoing around the room and her nails digging into the flesh of his back. She relished the stretch of her walls around him, the burning pleasure that shot out from her centre.

He stilled over her, not moving a millimeter, she squirmed beneath him, hoping it would inspire him to move, and let her feel the pleasure she knew he would bring her. He must have been waiting for something, some clue from her, because something shifted in him, and he thrust into her, stealing the breath from her lungs with his movement.

He froze again, hot and heavy inside her. The heat and arousal that had been curling low in her stomach seemed to take it as a sign of more to come, as she clenched down on him.

He gave another short, shallow stutter of his hips forward into her as she squeezed tightly around him. She couldn’t help but wonder if he was doing it on purpose, knowing that it drove her to complete madness when he did just the small thrusts.

“Sidney…” she tried to beg him to move properly, give her what she needed, but then he hit that spot inside, the one only he seemed to be able to find. It blinded her to everything else, all that mattered was the drag of him against her walls and how each time he hit it, the pleasure bloomed inside of her, becoming an all-consuming blaze.

“Fuck, Sidney,”

“Are you close Char?” the words were mumbled against her cheek, as he gave another thrust. She nodded her head, unable to respond with words, as Sidney yet again hit the spot that made her see stars.

She felt his fingers reaching between them, hurriedly rubbing at her clit, trying to bring her to her crest all the faster. With that he finally (finally) increased his pace and the force behind his thrusts.

Those stars that she had been seeing were suddenly gone and instead she was one, falling in on herself and exploding all at once. The pleasure ripped at her body, but somehow tied her together.

Sidney panted above her, her name spilling from his lips as he reached his own release, a spike of pleasure running through her as she listened to him fall apart.

They lay there in the aftermath, Sidney rolling gently to his side of the bed, her trying to catch her breath.

What was she doing? How had she got here again? She let herself stare up at his ceiling for a good moment, before she rolled herself out of his bed.

“Where you going?” his sleepy words nearly caught her out, but she knew Sidney Parker all too well, five minutes after sex, the man was out like a light.

“Bathroom,”

She slipped as quietly as she could into his ensuite, quickly using the toilet before standing at his sink, washing her hands. Her reflection stared back at her. She thought that maybe she would look different, after yet again falling in bed with Sidney. Instead she was met by her face, her curls all awry and her makeup smudged, but still her face.

She had sworn to herself after the last time she had seen him, that this wouldn’t happen. Sidney Parker may have her heart entirely, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t broken it.

Her eyes fell lower down and she could see the livid marks he had left on her skin! How could he? She ignored the thrill of arousal she felt as she pushed on one of the marks, how caveman of him! To mark her like she was his to claim.

She checked her watch, seeing the time flashing at her set her teeth on edge even more, 3:07am and then she slid it along to see the notifications from Georgiana. She’d tried to not only text her, but had used messenger, WhatsApp and snapchat. Charlotte splashed some water on her face before making a plan.

First, she would need to borrow a shirt, with the marks all over her cleavage, she wouldn’t be able to show it for at least three days. Then she could find her phone, get an uber and get home as soon as possible. Then she could put this whole night behind her… if only it could be so easy.

…

She rolled over in her bed, burying her face in the pillow and letting out an unearthly scream.

With the morning light, the last vestiges of her … drunkenness? Tipsiness? Whatever it was that had affected her judgement so severely, had faded away, leaving her with the knowledge that yet again she had fallen into bed with her ex.

Every time she thought she was over him, like maybe she had a chance at a life without him in it, there he was again. Perhaps she didn’t sleep with him every time, but her heart, her traitorous, blind heart threw itself back at him.

Her phone buzzed beside her again, just a message, but there was no prize money for guessing the sender.

She told herself to get over it, she didn’t need to see his message. She was already lousy with guilt, why add to it?

He wasn’t a negative presence in her life on purpose, their relationship had fallen apart due to outside factors, the main one being Tom’s business completely failing and requiring all of Sidney’s time to fix it so Mary and the kids didn’t end up on the street. But it had fallen apart nonetheless, lack of communication and not being able to spend any actual time together did that.

She had of course heard the rumours about Sidney and Eliza, they lived in a small world after all. This of course, just compounded her feelings of guilt, not only had she fallen back into bed with Sidney, but there was a good chance that she had now ruined his relationship with Eliza.

No, she shouldn’t read the message. Messages. Her curiosity got the better of her, as she flipped over her phone, reading the messages before she could help herself.

Charlotte, please don’t disappear again, I-

She jerked her head up, stopping mid-sentence as a loud knocking came from her front door.

Probably Georgiana coming to check on her, she told herself as she rolled out of the bed, and padded barefoot to the front door. The light glinted off her hall mirror as she passed it, causing her to see her reflection. She had never taken off Sidney’s shirt when she had gotten home, and she had a serious case of bedhead, plus her smeared lipstick. Georgiana would not let her rest until she found out why her best friend looked like she had a one-night stand.

Pulling a hair tie off the counter, she pulled her hair into a messy, loose bun on top of her head, and licked her finger to rub off the smeared makeup. She should be able to excuse the shirt as one she had never returned to Sidney. Before she could turn back to the door, the knocking resumed, even more persistent.

“I’m coming G, just give me a second.” Charlotte called out as she went to the door. She opened the door, expecting to greet her friend, instead she was faced with the stony-faced Sidney Parker.

“Not Georgiana.” Charlotte stood frozen, unable to comprehend that he was there.

“What are you doing here?”

“I had to see you.” She frowned, pulling the door closer to her, so he couldn’t try to squeeze his way past, because if he got in, she knew how hard it would be to make him leave. “Charlotte…”

“No.” She spoke forcefully. “We aren’t doing this, not again. You aren’t going to tell me that you miss me, that you love me, and then leave me all over again. My heart can’t take it anymore.”

“Do you think mine can?” He loomed ever closer to her. She clutched at the door, keeping it close so he couldn’t get inside.

“No, we aren’t doing this! I mean it Sidney! You need to leave!”

“I’m not going anywhere, not this time!”

“Sidney,” Charlotte could feel her voice cracking. Sidney moved again, but she was quicker, closing the door with a slam, and snicking the lock before he could stop her.

“I’m not leaving Charlotte, not this time.” He spoke into the door.

She didn’t answer, she couldn’t not with the hot tears pouring down her face and the lump sitting in her throat. She slid her back down the door, unable to move away.

“I had this whole speech planned when I saw you at the bar. I thought this was it, a chance to talk to you properly.” She pressed lips together, hoping that maybe he would go away if she didn’t answer. “Then you kissed me, and I thought you realised. I thought you knew how much I still love you,”

She let her head fall back against the door, exhaling a long breath between her pursed lips.

“But you snuck off, like a thief in the night. My heart felt like it burst when I woke up this morning and you weren’t there.” He was silent again, and she knew he hadn’t left. He never left without telling her he loved her, wishing her happiness.

“I’m not going this time Charlotte. Nothing matters to me but you, the world can burn for all I care.”

“You don’t mean that,” she replied before she knew she was speaking.

“I do,”

“You don’t though, that isn’t you. You care so much it hurts.”

“My family will always be a priority, but I know now, you are my first one. I was at a meeting with a potential investor, I had spent all week preparing for it, I hardly slept, wasn’t eating, and when it came time for Tom’s big part? He had done nothing. I have done everything in my power to help my brother, and he keeps failing. All I could think was, I wish I was going home to Charlotte.” She let out a gasp at that, blindly wiping at her face to stop the tears.

The self-conscious part of her, the one who had always questioned how Sidney really felt about her, doubted that, especially with the rumours about Eliza.

“No, Sidney, you need to leave. You need to go back to Eliza, because I won’t be a homewrecker.” She foolishly let that part of her speak.

“Homewrecker?”

“It’s a small world? I heard all about it.” She attempted yet again to control the tremble in her voice, but couldn’t quite manage it.

“Whatever you heard was a lie. There is no me and Eliza, there hasn’t been since before I met you.”

“But...”

“Open the door, please…”

She couldn’t stop herself at the tears she could hear in his voice. She opened it, with no idea what to expect.

They stood there, staring at one another for an eternity, before they moved simultaneously. Then, just like breathing, his hands went around her waist, hers around his shoulders and they held each other, standing there awkwardly in her doorway.

It wasn’t going to be a perfect relationship, but it was for them.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](www.spacecleavage.tumblr.com)
> 
> let me know what you think


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